If people are listening to anything, it’s likely through headphones or earbuds, where they are safe inside their own curated sound bubbles the soundtracks to the movies that are their walled-off lives. People find phone calls intrusive and ignore voicemail, preferring text or wordless emoji. Social media has given everyone a virtual megaphone to broadcast every thought, along with the means to filter out any contrary view. Giving a TED Talk or commencement speech is living the dream. The very image of success and power today is someone miked up and prowling around a stage or orating from behind a podium. You can get a doctorate in speech communication and join clubs like Toastmasters to perfect your public speaking, but there’s no comparable degree or training that emphasizes and encourages the practice of listening. So it’s striking that high schools and colleges have debate teams and courses in rhetoric and persuasion but seldom, if ever, classes or activities that teach careful listening. Indeed, the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus said, “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” It is fundamental to any successful relationship-personal, professional, and political. Calvin Coolidge famously said, “No man ever listened himself out of a job.” It is only by listening that we engage, understand, connect, empathize, and develop as human beings. Wars have been fought, fortunes lost, and friendships wrecked for lack of listening. Value is placed on what you project, not what you absorb.Īnd yet, listening is arguably more valuable than speaking. Online and in person, it’s all about defining yourself, shaping the narrative, and staying on message. Instead, we are engaged in a dialogue of the deaf, often talking over one another at cocktail parties, work meetings, and even family dinners groomed as we are to lead the conversation rather than follow it. In modern life, we are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people. When was the last time you listened to someone? Really listened, without thinking about what you wanted to say next, glancing down at your phone, or jumping in to offer your opinion? And when was the last time someone really listened to you? Was so attentive to what you were saying and whose response was so spot-on that you felt truly understood?
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